Let's Talk About Codependency

Alexandra Pecoraro

Codependent relationships show a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person lacks self-sufficiency or autonomy, and one or both parties are dependent on the other for personal fulfillment. Anyone has potential to be codependent, but some studies show that people who suffered past trauma or abuse and neglect, especially from parents, are more likely to become codependent. This is because people tend to internalize subverting their own needs to please parents, abusers, and later on, romantic partners.


Here are some signs that you may struggle with codependency in relationships:


  • You have a tendency to do more than your share because of an exaggerated sense of responsibility for others’ actions
  • You have a fear of being abandoned or alone, which increases the difficulty of making decisions and accepting change
  • You have a hard time opening up and identifying feelings, because of a lack of trust in others, and yourself


If you read these signs and thought, I’m feeling some of those things, don’t fret. Instead, ask yourself the following questions, which are taken directly from Psychology Today. And if you want more questions, you can answer the questions from Mental Health America:


  • Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs?
  • Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
  • Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  • Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
  • Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
  • Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?


Now, I am not a trained psychologist, and I’m not here to diagnose you. If you are connecting to these questions and characteristics, I recommend finding online or local counseling resources to help process and sort out what you might be thinking and feeling.


If this is something you’ve been working on and aware of, consider the following to analyze how you’re processing, growing, and your awareness of your actions:


  • Put your own wants, desires, and needs first. This allows you to connect to your inner-self and build self-confidence.
  • Step away from abusive behavior, such as being a caretaker or an enabler, and allow yourself, or you and your partner, to get away from unhealthy relationship habits.
  • Work on proactively addressing any issues instead of reacting. This could be setting clear boundaries, tolerating others’ opinions, not allowing external opinions to impact your self-worth, or just saying no (or accepting no as an answer).


We all have things that we’re working through, and it doesn’t make us unworthy, less-than, or forever broken. Simply recognizing you may have a few things to work on means you’re growing, learning, and open to positive change. Below are additional resources that go further into codependency, which are nationally available online counseling resources.



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